blessed_shaula

How can I ever put into words the beauty of life and all its blessings. Every sky has its own beauty as the saying goes. I agree on that! To put 2007 in a nutshell, I can say that it’s a one heck of a tough and challenging year for me! But if I were not to experience all its tortures and mind-boggling dilemmas, how could I appreciate the beauty and sweetness of life itself that I am now enjoying. There’s always a time for everything. I thank God because He made our lives diverse and dynamic. We’re always opted to adapt to change because that’s basically how our lives are meant to operate.

I am so excited to unravel the path that God had already laid down before  me. I just came from a job fair.In my surprise, I find it very amusing.  I decided to look for a job that would keep me busy and productive as well while I am still waiting for the Board results and many other pending decisions that I have to deal with. I realized that I liked being there ( in the job fair) because it gives me a sense of authority to choose. Almost all my life, I have always felt that I was deprived of choices. I didn’t choose those things to happen… they just landed on my lap. But, of course, at the end, it always turn out that it’s for the best.

I have always wanted to have a sense of control because that’s the one thing that I believed I do not have over my life. As a result, I give my all out efforts and energies in whatever I do even if it’s actually something that I didn’t choose to do or pursue in the first place. I was so thirsty and hungry for independence. I had always longed for that day that I could just do whatever I wanna do. This "was" the real me. A sublimely strong-willed stubborn girl yet still  submissive.It has always been a struggle though. Let me tell an anecdote that reminds me of I am whenever I hear about it. It’s about a boy who was reprimanded by his parents to sit down while their car was running. BUt the boy didn’t want to stay still on his seat because he wants to play. His parents, knowing that it’s for his safety to sit down, strongly reprimanded him once again. The boy, "having no choice", finally sat down and told his parents that even if he’s sitting deep inside him he’s still standing!

That boy was very much like me. I did things and chose to do things because I believed that I just got to do them. I despised it yet deep inside I know that it would be for the best because it’s the right thing to do. I just didn’t want to admit it. Probably because it violates my crooked and egoistic principles.

Along the process I died. A time came when I had finally decided to bury my egoistic and self-centered beliefs and emotions. I learned that when everything seems to go against you, you’re probably on the wrong side. The reason why I struggled a lot was because I was indeed going against the will of God for my life.Then I learned what it really takes to be a submissive daughter (to God and to my parents), student and citizen. Since then, my life became bitter sweet. It has been a perfect combination. It’s like my favorite coffee that tickles my tastebuds everytime I take a sip of it.

Whoever finds his life will lose it and whoever loses his life for His sake will find it.

This is how I find life! This is the reason why I can now enjoy everything in life…. through a fresh new pair of eyes.

As I was roaming around the fair today, it was very tempting to say which job I want to have and where I want to have it. Which salary I deserve and all the other perks I can have. This has been  the moment I’ve been waiting for. A sense of independence to choose and decide for a major thing in my life. But no, in my gut it says brace yourself for the revolutionary tasks that God himself will give you. It’s no longer I who lives in me. I know the best is yet to come! It is going to be a blast!