Enthusiasm


              This summer, I was obliged to enroll on two subjects that are usually being voted as the top boring classes. I have to enroll those subjects or else I wouldn’t be able to graduate. By their mere description, Filipino Christian Living or FCL as we call it, you would know how things go during those hours of classes.  I have been enrolled in two of those subjects! Being a student of a catholic school, i really have no choice but to study their doctrines. I thought I was hearing mysthical words the first time  I attended the class.

            After the class we were told to pass a paper for next week’s meeting. Choose a word that would best describe you as a christian and as a perpetualite. We call call ourselves perpetualites because our school was named after  Mother of Perpetual Help.

            For the first time, I thanked God for I can finally do something interesting with this subject. I love writing!:) After I finished my paper, I was filled with awe all the more. I am so thankful for my life coaches for all the lessons I have learned from them and how they have changed my outlook in life.

Here’s what i have written on my paper:

Enthusiastic, this is definitely the word that I would want to be associated with. From its lexical definition, it means being full of enthusiasm or zeal. It could also mean having keen interest onto something. From layman’s term, it’s simply being masigla or masigasig. On the other hand, being enthusiastic entails a far more profound meaning than these. It came from the greek word, “ entheos”, meaning in God or with God. It basically means, “having God within”.

            The characteristics of being masigla or masigasig merely becomes the manifestation of the relationship of  an enthusiastic person with God.  There is this sense of joy that becomes overflowing and it becomes evident through that person’s behavior and attitudes. Having enthusiasm could enable him to smile and remain calm even in the midst of difficult situations. It is because of that out-springing optimism from God’s faithfulness to His promises.

            An enthusiastic person is usually the one having sanguine personality. However, enthusiasm is far more than being cheerful, jumpy, hopeful and all that. For you to be qualified to be called enthusiastic, you have to be excellent in whatever you do. It is having the “ Imago Dei” in you. The image and likeness of God should be reflected not just on your outside appearance but on your work as well. Man is cut-out for greatness. Our God is so great and He has that image and likeness in us.

            As I have learned from history, great men had changed the world because of the greatness of God in their lives. In the field of music, Johann Sebastian Bach’s composition still live up to this day because of the excellence he achieved out of his desire to glorify God through his music. On arts, Rembrandt Van Rijn, the greatest of the Dutch artists included himself in his famous painting of the crucifixion scene because Christ’s death was personal to Him. While the Father of  Modern Science, Isaac Newton, also excelled because of his intimate relationship with God. He tried to understand the nature of things through the light of God’s word. Out of this keen devotion to God and interest on Natural philosophy, Principia and Optiks were written that had led to the development of modern physics. The long list of  men who excelled because of the greatness of God in their lives could go on. We have Robert Boyle as the Father of Chemistry, Andreas Versalius as the Father of anatomy, John Ray who’s a puritan clergyman who pioneered the science of taxonomy and Carolus Linnaeus being a devout Christian who expanded the modern system of biological classification. Many thanks to Martin Luther as well for it is because of him that Reformation period came. Following reformation, schools had been built for the public and popular education emerged.

            All these men, they excelled on their work and changed the course of history of mankind because of their dedication to God and His word. As Colossians

3:23

says,

“ Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as if working for the Lord.”

As a Christian, I do believe I am bound to be enthusiastic as well. I do honor God’s commands as much as I value my relationship with Him. As a result, I am being blessed with so many wonderful relationships with the people around my world. Mirth is the usual ambience of my environment. Because I always strive to be rightly in-tuned with Him, everything seems to fall in their proper places. Difficult circumstances are indeed inevitable and they come every now and then, yet I suppose I am still able to have that grace under pressure aura. For I know, God is in control and everything is working together for good no matter what.

            As a Perpetualite, I do believe I have my “Imago Dei” in me though  I might not be the No. 1 student of PHCM. What matters most is that I always tend to do my best on whatever work  is do. Be it on studying my lessons or doing my duties as a student nurse… I am doing everything for the glory of God. He deserves the best from me.

Bb. Magpapalayok


         "Ang ganda naman ng ngiti mo",

      This is what someone has told me yesterday when I got home. After a week’s hospital duty at JOse Reyes, I went out to watch a movie. Because of the 3-day sale at SM, I managed to escape from my groupmates who wanted me to go with them to watch " Ang Cute ng Ina Mo". hahaha!

      I would never exchange a movie such as Miss Potter to a such  shallow movie. All through out the movie, I have been brought to a different dimension. I’ve laughed..i’ve cried… I’ve been relaxed…I’ve been isnpired.. and i’ve been alone inside the movie house!!! Everyone else was watching "Ang Cute ng Ina Mo". I always watch movies by myself but this was my first time to be entirely alone inside the movie house.

     I could easily put myself on Ms. Potter’s shoes. We have same size and taste indeed:) I consider myself her Filipino counterpart in so many ways. So that makes  me Binibing Magpapalayok!:) hahaha

     I have so much passion on gazing and appreciating the beauty of nature. It really inspires and relaxes me. I also carry my journal and pen as I make the most of my time with such a beautiful blessing.

    Sometimes I also make sketches of them. But Ms. Potter’s works were way way better mine. I’m not an artist myself. But I do paint watercolor too!:) It’s just that my works do not have the "aritst factor". haha! But I dont’ care.. i still draw and paint.

     I’m not a writer as well but I do love writing. When I was in my childhood years, I also love making stories about ants, bees, trees, dragonflies…etc. When I grew older, I shifted to inspirational stories and ideas. There came a day that I promised myself that I must have at least one work published before my time ends:)

    As Miss POtter’s counterpart, I also talk when I’m alone. And I am contended being alone though I could easily establish good relationships with those people around me. I guess I am a good candidate for being an old maid. I could be a happy, fulfilled and accomplished old maid!:)

     Except for the fact that i do love cross-stitching and crafts and that I enjoy classical musical while sitting on a rocking chair as I drink my tea, I think being single wouldn’t be a problem at all. There are so many things in life that we could do and enjoy and accomplish!

      But like Ms. Potter, I could also fall for someone. I just pray that if ever it will happen, that man wouldn’t die. A  Mr. Norman Warne indeed became a mere fairytale for her. I don’t need fairy tales. I live in reality! haha

      Being in love does pay a high price. The beautiful and exciting feeling of having butterflies in your stomach is very enchanting but is nothing but temporary. It’s truly more than enjoying the emotions that matters. It’s not the end of everything. As for me, being in love means responsibility.

where do I go from here?


             As for this day, i could say that I am a confused little soul. I am about to become a nurse and yet I’m not so excited about it.  Deep down in my gut I know that i am not a hospital ward material. I cannot work on the hospital for the rest of my career life doing the routines of v/s taking, medications and piling up paper works.  I want to do life saving measures without limited course of actions. I want to be a doctor working on camps or tents with  people who really need medical attention. I have no idea though how to get in there. And if ever I figure out how and where to start, I would feel guilty of pursuing it. Within me, I know I still have to fulfill some obligations to my family. Where’s the money in doing my dream? All I could hear  is about making money out of Nursing. All i could ever feel is that I am bounded by debt of gratitude and that I have to go with their plans and consider their advise. I have so many great dreams and plans right now (but they are so far from acquiring big bank accounts or a house). However, i really feel so limited and constrained.

        After six long years of serious searching for my mission in life, I know I have to be rejoicing by now. It’s clear to me that I have already found it .My heart really beats for helping other people through medicine and counseling. I could die for this task. Whenever I touch a sick person’s hand or give counseling and prayer to a person seeking it from me, I just can’t help but to thank God for that wonderful priveledge of touching someone else’s life. This is what i really want to do for the rest of my remaining time here on earth. I am so excited about it that I don’t wan to wait for my retirement as a nurse before i pursue that. A lot of people I know also want to serve on missions… but that’s after they retire. I guess when they no longer have anything else to do. But I don’t want to wait that long. I even feel that i have already wasted a lot of time. I’m not getting any younger. When  will I be able to be a full fledged doctor? 30 or 35? Oh man! that’s already too late. LIfe is too short. That’s why I am already kinda  pressured already though I know very well that there is a precise timing for everything. Perhaps there’s really nothing else that I could do right now but to put all my hopes up high to God. He’s really the only one who understands me.

            It’s a Sunday today and something I have not expected happened. After attending the service, I helped on our booth. I was actually kinda reluctant at first because I want to spend more special moments with God. But since I have already made a commitment, I was left with no choice. I went there just to fulfill my commitment. I never thought God would use me on something more important than what I’ve been doing on income generating activities. I was reading history while there were no customers or people around. Then I would  just smile on anyone who were just passing by. Sometimes I got to fool around with the mischievous kids:) Suddenly, one woman came to me asking about where to have a counseling. I gave her the information she needed but ,apparently, she already had those info. She was already in desperate need of prayer and counseling that she could no longer wait for the schedule. Well, we can’t blame  the system for scheduled counseling since pastors are really busy. She seemed tired so I offered her a seat. Little did i know that I was about to be her last resort. In my surprise, she suddenly poured out and told me everything about herself and her sick child having Down Syndrome and Primary complex. As a nurse, i gave her some advise. Then she suddenly asked for prayer after telling me her sad and complicated story. I just knew that she needed it right that moment so  I gave counseling and prayer right there and then. At first I felt kinda reluctant because I was in the church and people there know that it’s more of a pastor’s work… and obviously i’m not a pastor. But I do believe that that person really needed someone to talk to and  someone to pray for her …so there I laid hands on her with all the people passing by our booth.

           After she left, i finally understood why God had put me on that booth this afternoon despite of my plans. This experience even made my desire to help others grow deeper. My plan of joining a mission group was also rekindled this morning during the sunday service. My heart is filled with burden right now. I want to do a lot of things and attempt great things…. but  I feel so bound to my debt of gratitude to my family. Who should I help first? Isn’t it given that family comes first?

            Oh well…. bahala na si Lord!:) I have no idea where to go from here.

My precious is back!!!!!!!!!!!:)


This day calls for a celebration! "my precious" is back! After i have already started to accept that it’s really lost.. now it came back just like that! Bakit nga kaya ganun? Sometimes when you already gave up… that’s the time  your hopes will be suddenly up and the whole tide will be turned around. How ironic!

Tonight is the night! Payback time!


I’m a one heck of a weirdo! haha Have you ever experienced being consumed by your ideas about killing someone? Well, I wasn’t able to have a good sleep last night because I’ve been plotting a lot of plans on killing Dodi! Dodi is our very unwanted room mate. He’s one heck of a rat! That very clever rat has already busted every nerve in my system. He drives me crazy and officially makes me a paranoid. He’s gonna pay for it. Tonight is the night! Payback time! I was thinking of having a pepper spray to make him blind then i"ll suffocate him in whatever chamber i could use. I also thought of stabbing him with a syringe filled with a lethal dose of meds. But heck… it will cause me some amount of money for meds. How about just filling it with whatever organo phosphate chemical. That’s a brilliant plan, isn’t it? Before, my plans were so morbid so I just settled for that . I was thinking of a bloody combat with all the sharps and air guns or bottles to smash on him until i realized that i can’t stand a rat’s blood. Human’s blood i can deal with.. but not a rat’s. Look how this rat has turned me into a psycho! hahaha

Look at all these crazy ideas! It turned me into a psycho…until i went to Ace hardware and found a very simple solution for my problem. For goodness sake….a rat trap is all i need! hahaha I’ve been acting like a psycho when all i need is a trap! Tonight is the night of paying back. Boy I’m excited to do my plans! I hope it’s Dodi that I’ll catch and not my precious hand. The guy from Ace hardware who demonstrated to me on how to use the trap got his very fingers trapped on it. Yikes! I hope i’ll do it right!

I guess… i have to try to it now so til next time! nyep nyep nyep

I’m practically alone. This is the inevitable reality.


Dear oh dear… what am i doing here? I should be doing a lot of other more important things than this. Waaahhh… perhaps a few more minutes of spending my time here wouldn’t be that bad. In fact, i guess it would help instead. This is so therapeutic for a poor haggard soul. Haha!

It’s new year already. I wish i were able to write here last January 1. I had the most beautiful new year celebration ever! I spent it alone with God at the Prayer Mountain… then when the fireworks started to bombard the skies.. i went out to watch. How cool was that? Watching fireworks from the mountain!:) It’s overwhelming!

next year, i already know where to go on holidays! I don’t want to travel back home anymore. A lot has already changed. I guess it’s time to move on. I no longer have any reason of going back there:(

My past has literally been buried. Everything i ever treasured… God has taken away from me. Even "My Precious"! He even took "MY Precious". I”ve been keeping and treasuring my white gold necklace for 6 years and now it’s gone:( I have no idea how it happened. It has always been precious for me because of its sentimental value. Now its gone. Everything is gone. For the past few years, it seems that God has been taking away things from my life. . .prestige… then the opportunities… then properties… our family business… even our vehicles… farmland… the latest is our home! no… "my precious" pala! Then… it’s the people i love. Clearly they are leaving. My family has already left few years ago. The only family i have now is my brother but he’s also leaving. Then my friends. Everybody is leaving! Have I mentioned that most of my friends are already married and more are planning to get married? Even my bestfriend! hahaha Clearly, everyone is having their own ways already. Everything now is completely different. my goodness… Ilang dekada na ba dumaan? Bakit paraang sobrang bilis ng lahat? Bakit parang taga ibang mundo ata ako!?

I’m practically alone. This is the inevitable reality.

It’s truly wonderful that i have God in my life. He’s all i have.

My family… bestfriend… provider… and everything!

where would i be without Him? I can’t imagine a life without Him.

As of now… i’m kinda preparing myself already. I know this year will be a lot tougher than last year. Heck… that sounds scary! But God told me on the very first day of this year that i should be very courageous. I don’t need to be afraid.Matters to be dealt with will be more serious. Well, i guess all of these things have just something to do with my prayer about taking my faith to the next level. True enough, unang araw ng taon dagasa agad ako! haha I know more challenges and difficulties will come. I know it’s for the best no matter what:) I just have to trust God. For sure i’ll fret every now and then. Gagapang talaga ako. That’s the reason i’ll always have to spend more time with God and ask forgiveness from being a stubborn kid. I can now imagine my tantrums! haha I really have to get over it. haha

I guess that’s enough for now. haha.. this is really therapeutic! i can now start doing my task. Adios!

i’m writing not because i’m stressed out


hmm… a moment like this is rare!:) i’m writing not because i’m stressed out (as it has always been my coping mechanism) but just because i’m killing my time! Can you imagine this? I’m killing my time at 1:00 in the morning? hahaha I’m really weird huh? I’m still working on something…dvd burning and light scribing and all …. it’s too time consuming. I wanna do something else while the computer is too busy with it!:)

so now.. let’s start the ball rolling!:)
hmmm… I wonder what i would want to talk about this time around….hmmmm
perhaps something different….
hmm….. my mind doesn’t work anymore…urgh…
well… i can’t blame it if it doesn’t wanna work alreadyat this hour .
I played basketball this morning.. then i atttended classes this afternoon… which really gave me a headache! That IELTS thing is challenging! then i went to Recto to pick-up the pins that I ordered.. then i went home to get my things… went to the video rental…then to the gym…. then here at Dreams Dept… until now I’m working! hehe
Wait a minute… i don’t wanna talk about my day this time!
Let me tell you a story of a girl who doesn’t know what to say right now…
grr…
adios!perhaps some other time i can say something substantial!hehe

just wishing…. but will never stop hoping


how i wish i would always have the time to go to the mountain and just be alone with God…

with all these growing responsibilities in every area of my life…

with all the life saving pressure…

school and all sorts of work pressure…

financial pressure…

how i really wish i could demand for a day-off

or should i decide to have one… there willl be no major consequences!

I wonder how long could i still go on… coping up with everything…. trying my best to do all the tings that i have to do

i wonder if it’s still possible for me to have a balanced life wherein i could still sleep 8 hours a day.. eat 3 times a day… and just walk not run! hahaha

para lagi akong kasali sa marathon!:) running and beating deadlines… buzzer beater talaga ito! hahhaha

haaaayyyy…. i do love my life…it’s just that i wish everything is in order and balance….. pero parang boring din pag ganun!

hahahaha…

i just wish i really know what i want..

AS of now….

i’m really facing a great financial battle of all times!

where am i gonna get 400k at this point of time wherein i dont even have time for myself

aaahhhhhhhhhhhh…………..

i can’t even have a day off…. how can i even start looking for buyers or plan alternatives…..

this is too much for me…

what if i cant?

i’ll loose  my beloved home?

waaahhhhhhhhhhhh………….

Oh God please help me….

Everyday of my life i face a real life drama…

i can’t believe i’m having one of my own right now

at least mine is not that major…

God is indeedso gracious to me that i’m still breathing and capable of doing all of my tasks…

at least im not the one on the death bed

it’s always a heart breaking moment whenever im at the hospital and caring for all the poorest among the poor and weakest among the weak

my patient who had a Chronic Kidney Disease died 2 days ago..

if only she had money for dialysis, she could have lived longer

my other patient is being evicted on the ward because she doesn’t have money for all her medical expenses

my other patient… her case is organo phosphate ingestion… at least i wont ever do that! i will never ever commit suicide! It’s impossible for me to loose hope…

they just make me realize how blessed i am despite everything that im going through

so right now…..

i guess i just have to hold on to that

God has blessed me in a lot of ways

It is true indeed…

"much is given…much is  required!"

God has given me much… so i need greater challenges…

whew!

400,000 pesos

it’s still very small…

I know God is more than able to provide it…

yun nga lang..

I also have to do my part…

that one i do not know how..hahahaha

that would be all for now…

this blog thing is really therapeutic for me:)

this is a good way for me to just let it all out from my confused and tired inner me….

kakangarag na talaga…

it’s a miracle that im still able to do blog right this moment…hehehe

it’s not a problem at all!


It seems i now have a "time" that’s why im here again..

not only that…

i even finally had the chance to read other people’s blog

well.. it’s a sunday and i think i do deserve a break today:)

after all those hustle and bustle during the week…

after being disoriented almost of all of the time because of lack of rest and sleep and food.. poor me huh?:) lolol  i’m sure nobody wouldn’t want to be in my shoes!

speaking of shoes… i always accidentally step on someone else’s shoes… hahaha

and it’s so usual for everybody to hear "i’m sorry" from me…

it’s always either naka-apak ako or nakasagi ako.

sometimes i pay for stuffs at store that i dropped.. yikes!

that’s why i have no right to leave the house if i have no money! hahaha

anyway..

enough for  those stuffs that would further reveal the real clumsy and silly me;)

tonight.. i got into one of my little sister’s blog… she was sort of saying things about the people she loves

i kinda liked reading it until it got into this part:

ATE
    OH,where to start? i know! i can start ny saying that i love this girl so much! she’s so wise. she always know what to do or what to say. also, she is smart and loving. the only problem with her is that she never have a boyfriend.

I really find it very strange why people always say this thing to me…

i’m referring to the last sentence.. the previous ones are just fine for me! hahaha!

"the only problem with her is that she never have a boyfriend"

when did not having a boyfriend become a problem?

why do i always receive impressions that i’m missing a lot and right in front of my face… they say… kawawa ka naman!

i have always wished that i could explain things the short way coz i’m already kinda tired of explaining it over and over

so now whenever that topic is being talked about…

i just smile and say… i’m not missing a lot…. you do!

i don’t want to go through all the "kababawan" things!

enough for all of those!:)

i don’t have time for it…

i can’t even barely have a decent time to eat and sleep…hahaha

but i don’t find it pathetic..

i find it challenging!

If ever i’m gonna have a boyfriend….

it’s certainly not now…

not until i fulfill my vow:)

well…

medyo malapit na rin yon but i would still follow God’s heed

my life is no longer mine…

if ever i’m gonna have a boyfriend…

it wouldn’t be for the "tweetums" and "kilig" stuffs…

i consider myself too old for that! haha

if ever i would enter a relationship…

i want to make it sure that it would also contribute something for the glory of God!

meaning… a mate is someone who can give you a helping hand for you to fulfill the work that God has vested upon you. it’s more than the emotional fad that our world has been successfully commercializing for decades!

end of story.

just tired


well….well…well…

what am i doing here right now?

ain’t i suppose to be cramming for the piling up case studies and reports and exams?

i guess i just need to take a little break…

actually…

I WANNA TAKE A BREAK FROM EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!

i won’t be surprised anymore if I just find myself on a bus or ship sooner or later!

I guess i’ll disappear again without anyone knowing where i am… with my cellphone off!

wow… i wish i could really do this nowadays!

nyep…nyep…nyep…

hmmmm…hmmmm…

i’m becoming a daredevil again!hehe

Tonight….

after i came home from my hospital duty

i’ve realized that i really don’t want to work on a hospital

this can’t be…

this will just make my load heavier!

i want to become a doctor…a missionary doctor in the remotest areas!

not a nurse….

or maybe i’m just saying this right now because i’m totally exhausted already

Nursing is really a noble task and i basically love the part where i can talk to my patients and analyze their cases…

but i hate doing charting and medications and all the paperworks!

i could turn my patients in whatever position there is or do all the bedside care without even freting or compalining coz i basically love it…

but i really can’t take the paperworks and all the technicalities!

haaaayyyyyyyyyyy….

i’m already tired

am i still making sense in here?

got to sleep…

shhhzhhhh…#@%..zzzzzzzzzzzzz